Showing Concern
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: A week after Anna's passing, Casey checks in on Severide to see how his friend is doing. And what he finds saddens him. Tag to eppy 5..20 'Carry Me'


**Title: Showing Concern**

 **Summary:** A week after Anna's passing, Casey checks in on Severide to see how his friend is doing. And what he finds surprises him. Tag to eppy 5..20 'Carry Me'

 **Disclaimer:** Same as always. I own nothing but my muse and my love for all things #firefighters #Sevasey & #Lindseride

 **A/N:** Ugh yes that eppy was soooo sad but also TK's acting was beyond brilliant! And wanted to do a small sevasey piece b/c who doesn't love some hurt Kelly and strong supportive Matt (like he is to the new guy/his friend Jason on the show! Casey's such an amazing rock!) Hope you all enjoy.

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"I gotta check on him," Casey looked at his wife with a small frown as they sat in their quiet apartment the early evening of a day off.

"Think he's just putting on a show?"

"Yeah, he says he's fine but…I remember after Shay died he…he wasn't eating properly, wasn't…just wasn't looking after himself."

"I remember," Dawson eplied with a small huff. "And after Hallie died you were a mess also; same MO. Want to call him?"

"Nah I think I'll just drop by."

"You always prefer the pop-in," she recalled with a small smile; his expression mirroring hers a few seconds later.

"Want to come with?"

"You go…bond over some beers. I have a few things to catch up on."

"Reading?"

"Yeah right…more like the latest episode of…" her voice trailed off as her husband's brows arched in amusement.

"I'll see you later."

After kissing his wife and grabbing a small pack of beer from the fridge, Casey pulled on his jacket and headed for the elevator to take him down to the street and then into his truck. With a heavy heart he put it into drive and then headed for Severide's loft apartment.

 _'Yeah fine…just have a few things to do here…'_ he recalled Severide's words from the day before. Boden had told him to take a few extra days after Anna's passing and then funeral service but Severide insisted that he needed to work as it was better than just sitting at home and moping.

But Severide had done that after Shay had died, told everyone he was fine and insisted that working was the best thing for him when inside he was crumbling faster and faster each second. He would put on a brave face and a tight lipped smile and then offer a sideways glance to anyone who dared to ask twice or question his response.

Casey knew he was facing an emotional uphill battle but he owed it to his friend as he knew Severide would do the same and had done so in the past. Stella, the Squad team, Boden and even Benny had been to see Kelly Severide in the immediate days that followed but it was after the steady stream of support had started to fade, was when he knew his friend would need him most. _It was in the weeks and months after Hallie passed that he needed support most and Dawson had led the charge and Severide had been there more than he could quantify._

He stopped his truck outside Severide's apartment building and looked up to the third floor and frowned – _lights are off._ But he spied his friend's car and bike parked just down a few feet and knew something wasn't quite right. With a heavy sigh, Casey grabbed the small peace offering and hurried into the building and up to the service elevator and then upward.

"Kelly?" Casey knocked and then waited, listening to see what he might be greeted with. "Hey buddy…you in there?"

"Yeah…later Casey."

Casey's lips pursed but he knew that as much as he had tried to push Dawson away, it was her caring concern for him that pushed her to take action and he had to do the same. So with that, and not caring about verbal repercussions, Casey pulled his key and opened the door.

"Damn you Matt!" Severide cursed as Casey stepped into the dimly lit apartment and slowly closed the door behind him. His expression softened as he was taken back in time to his own home, empty pizza boxes and take out containers, empty beer cans and bottles, some dirty dishes and the smell of inactivity that lingered in the air.

"Figured not everything was okay."

"What do you want? See how pathetic I am when I go home? Why the hell do you think I…what do you want?" Severide half slurred from the couch as he looked up and then slumped back down.

"Came to see how you are," Casey paused as he put the beers into the fridge, telling himself his friend didn't need any more fuel for his emotional fire; he needed someone to just sit with him and listen if he needed to rant or offer a bucket if he needed to throw up.

"I'm…fine."

"Heard that before," Casey replied as he draped his jacket over the chair and then headed into the spacious living room and slumped down into the large easy chair opposite the couch.

Severide looked at Casey with tired, red-rimmed eyes and slowly lifted himself to a sitting positon and offered what amounted to a grunt before he shook his head. "Benny was by…like he's any comfort," Severide offered in bitter sarcasm as he looked to the right. But when he swung his head too fast, he could only look back at Casey with an angry curse. "Think I'm cursed."

"Benny said that?"

"No…he…ah he's no comfort. He said it wasn't meant to be. Sounds like him right?"

"It does."

"Maybe he's right," Severide offered sourly.

Casey looked at Severide in remorse and felt his expression droop just as far as his friends. "When Hallie passed I uh…Kelly…"

"You had eight years right? And now Dawson…I think I'm just…why are you here Matt? Tell me I'll be fine. I'll get past this…whatever."

"No…not gonna say that because you can't rush yourself to where you were before this," Casey shook his head as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "You wanna move in with us for a while?"

"No…I need my space…like my space."

"After Shay you…Kelly you said you were fine and then you weren't sleeping, or when you did it was at the house or in stranger's home's or…"

"I KNOW!" Severide shouted as he tried to stand up; but did so fast and then cursed when he crashed back down, missed the couch and then landed on his knees. "I know what I did! I know…"

Without saying a word, Casey offered his hand that at first Severide didn't want to take, offering a muttered "I'm fine…" but after a few seconds he lifted his hand and took the help offered. He let Casey lift him up and help him back onto the couch and then just looked at Casey with a defeated gaze.

"Think I'm gonna join a monastery," Severide grumbled in sarcasm as he let himself fold back onto the couch and then rubbed his already stinging eyes.

"I'll order something to…"

"I'm not hun…" Severide started at the same time his stomach offered an angry rumble. "Course…" he huffed as Casey's lips slightly smirked. "Andy…Shay…Anna…I remember with Andy I tried to justify it. Shay…I blamed her death on someone else but Anna…she signed that damn form!"

Casey's lips slightly purse as he studied his friend in concern; once again his brain not having the right words in that moment to give his friend any kind of comfort or much hope.

"With Hallie…how did you um…I'm not hungry."

"I am," Casey told him as he pulled his phone and then dialed a local favorite. "Who's…Ellie?"

"Huh?"

"Ellie…Norwich?" Casey read aloud and then held up the small scrawled note for his friend to see.

"She…small house fire and she…wouldn't leave. She's the one that told me uh…told me before Anna died to hold onto all the happy memories. Happy…what a load of crap."

"Why?"

"I watched her DIE!" Severide snapped and then recanted with remorse. "You watch someone take their last breath and…and all the stuff before that…it means nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Not nothing…that's…"

"You told me about the skating. You on skates….that would have been scary," Casey slightly smirked as Severide's lips managed a slight smirk of their own. "Surprised you didn't use your ass as the Zamboni."

"Trust me I worried about that," he smiled as he recalled the happy memory.

"You gave her hope at the end and some good times right?"

"She said so."

"That's something then."

"Yeah…" Severide sighed as his mind was whisked back in time to that fateful moment in the hospital. _"Carry me…"_ her words resounded in his brain; something that instantly made his heart ache and his eyes water. "I attract the tormented."

"You're just bitter right now. I get it."

"I keep sitting here, trying to force myself to think about happier times. When she told me about the job. Our first date at Molly's…skating. Even just seeing her in action at Med. And then…damn! Just like that I'm back in that room, yelling at the doctors to save her…screw the damn form…save her…save…oh God why couldn't they save her," his voice stammered as his eyes watered once more. "And that's….what I remember. Not the happy times. I remember the worst time! Her death!"

"When I found Hallie in that clinic…you remember, you were there."

"Matt…"

"Talking helps…trust me," Casey interjected softly. "When I pulled her out…I was yelling at her to stay with me…not to leave me…not to die," he paused as his eyes slightly misted. "Course that's all I dwelt on the first few weeks that passed and maybe…maybe some months. Ah hell even now there are times when I'm reminded of it. I drive by the clinic…don't try to tell yourself its wrong okay? Hallie would want me to be happy and Anna would want the same for you."

"I know. I just…can't see anything happy right now."

"I couldn't either. Not at first."

"You have Dawson now…married…happy…" Severide stated as Casey nodded and couldn't help but smile. "I'll never have that."

"Right now it seems that way. But don't focus on that right now okay? Let's…have something to eat…something more than stale take-out pizza and instant noodles and then…maybe I'll help you with those house plans."

"What?"

"I saw your other note. You wanna help rebuild her home? Think you'll need a reliable contractor," Casey concluded with a smile as Severide just shook his head. "We both know your knife skills are atrocious."

"Was there something more I could have done? Another transfusion or…something?" Severide muttered weakly; not really expecting an answer. "Maybe another bone morrow transplant would have helped?"

"I'm sure the doctors would have told you."

"Yeah…right. Just keep thinking…what else could I have done. I read up on stuff…yeah I know…" he paused as his lips uttered a nervous laugh. "Homeopathic stuff. Damn…never knew there was so much you could do with herbs and such but uh…I knew it was useless. I read on what she has. The stages. How it advances and the rate of mortality but uh…but I thought I could save her. Stupid right?"

"Saving people is what we do. What you do. It's in your blood. Makes sense you'd still feel that. It's not stupid. Not at all. Kinda normal."

"Yeah…we save people all the time. Couldn't save her. Damn…"

"I couldn't save Hallie. I pull people from fires all the time. I still wonder when I drive by the clinic. Was there something else I could have done? Then I tell myself no and try to focus on better stuff."

"Right."

"It'll come. Don't force it okay? I know you know that but…sometimes saying it loud just helps. I don't know…maybe I'm wrong."

"Sounded good," Severide shrugged and then lightly chuckled as Casey's expression lightened. "You brought beer?"

"Smells like a brewery in here."

"Yeah…haven't been motivated to cook much," he groaned as they heard a knock at the door.

"Dinner."

"Matt…"

"You can't just have beer. And besides as I said…I'm hungry."

Severide watched Casey get up and head for the door to his apartment and slowly pushed himself toward an upright seated position and rubbed his face. His eyes still stung from lack of sleep and angry tears and his head continued to lightly spin from lack of food. His heart would ache for some time to come but at least the dinner that Casey had ordered would ease some of the gnawing pangs in his stomach.

He looked at Casey as he silently put a few things away and then set the table for them to have something to eat and knew their strong brotherly bond would help carry him through these dark days; help him get back to some kind of normal routine, something to help keep the darkness at bay.

"Come on before it gets cold."

"Yeah…coming," Severide huffed as he slowly pushed himself upright and paused for a few minutes on his feet. As much as he had wanted to tell Casey to get lost when he showed up earlier, having his friend there was comforting in ways he couldn't express. Plus as his stomach started to constrict he knew…the past few days diet of empty calories and alcohol wasn't conducive to anything but helping his system break down further – not build it up in any way.

"Smells good."

"Slaved over it all day," Casey smiled as Severide slumped down into one of the wooden chairs and then looked at Casey with a heavy frown. "You'll be okay."

"Yeah?" Severide asked with a hint of uncertainty as Casey nodded in confirmation.

"Yeah," he repeated as opened up the warm containers. "So…what did you want to do with her house?"

"Ah…probably should mind my own damn business," Severide mumbled as he put some food on his plate. At first it was only a small amount but as the tempting aroma's started to play with his senses and the first few bites started to ease the inner gastro-turmoil, his anxiety started to lessen somewhat. "Well…a good part of the house was okay but…" his voice trailed off as the two of them sat and slowly enjoyed the food that Casey had ordered.

During dinner, Severide would offer a few angry outbursts and then apologize. But as Casey reminded him that it was something he needed to express and it was better to express it to a supportive friend than to keep it bottled inside and release it at an inopportune time. It was all part of the grieving process and that in turn would help with his emotional recovery. At least part of him. Much like with Shay's death, a part of him would never fully recover – it would only learn how to cleverly hide the scars and tend to them whenever an anniversary or emotional trigger would pop up.

He was also comforted by Casey's showing concern by the fact that Casey had experienced a romantic loss and could tell him from experience that while the pain was raw…it would in time subside and eventually heal. There was hope. And as long as hope remained….hope for something happy in the future, he would hold onto that small sliver of hope and if it waned, he knew Casey would be there to help him keep afloat – keep ahold of that sliver of hope.

"You know if you wanted to rebuild this part…" Casey offered softly as he looked at Severide's crude drawing of the house and the made a few suggestions; all of which Severide seemed amicable to trying.

After dinner, the two of them headed back into the living room and then settled in to watch whatever game of the Stanley Cup Finals was being played. With their Blackhawks out, they didn't care much about who was on…it was just background noise that helped to push back the silence that had embraced Severide for too long and instantly greeted Casey when he arrived.

Other nights he had feared going to sleep, knowing what awaited in the darkness of his mind; usually choosing to let either drink or sheer fatigue force him into darkness. But with Casey there, he finally was able to give in a bit earlier and without and liquid prodding.

And it didn't take long for Severide to wander into his bedroom and pass into the dark realm of tormented sleep; something Casey had totally expected. After that he pulled his phone and texted his wife, telling her that he would be staying the night at his friend's – the couch was comfy, and he'd see her in the morning and then the three of them would put on their boots and hard hats and go help another person who had lost something dear to them.

 _"We're two sorry sons of bitches aren't we…" Ellie Norwichs's words whispered in Severide's weary brain as his body slightly twitched with an emotional nightmare._

Casey cleaned up the slight mess in Severide's apartment and then draped a blanket over his friend's frame before he headed back into the living room and nestled himself on the couch. Showing concern for his friend wasn't something he felt obliged to do – he wanted to. He needed to. Severide would rely his strength in the coming weeks and he would give it freely and openly. He wouldn't let him fall. Their brotherly bond would ensure that no matter what emotional trials Severide faced in the coming weeks, their loyal friendship would strengthen him to keep going, hold onto the happy memories and then work to build new ones. That sliver of hope was there.

 _'Always'_

 **THE END!**

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 **A/N:** Okay so I know the last piece was also very emotional but such is the theme of the eppy and hope you all like this little bromance piece a little and please do review before you go and thanks so much.


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